I'm Done. I'm Spent.

I need to get my head in order. I need to focus. I need money. I need to get rid of my emotions like The Brain. She can turn her heart on & off on a whim. I wish I could do that. Of course it's easy when you're on the train and look at ugly people but when you get home and know that your life consists of dirty, smelly roomates, racing to tennis to get yelled at and race home and feel the sciatica kick in as you work out, undress (check out the great boobs) and shower and hope that the sadness goes down the drain with the dirty water. And you do the same thing day after day with little spurts of happiness that are like a dirty little whore-tease because they never satisfy you for long. I'm tired of getting screwed (no, not in that way- I never tire of that) Did i ever mention that my middle name was "C L A S S Y"?

I called my ma (during my emotional breakdown-not the best time) to check in with her and yelled at her for 27 minutes (I get 28 min. on the calling card- so, I had to make sure to tell her that I loved her within the last minute) and she really tried to help with advice- you know the "duh" kind- the parent kind- she even tried to make me laugh- she asked me what my problem was with cashews- excuse me??? I'm screaming and she thinks she's funny? She's sick. But I love her and I am really touched/fucked that she reads this (and thinks it's "fun"). No parent should know that their kid is having wild nights in cars and having sex and using the word "screwed". Not good for their old tickers, you know? But she gets it and I think she gets a kick out of it- she thinks I'm the shit. One human down, six billion (and some change) to go.

OK UPDATE!!!!! How random! I was just lamenting about little spurts of happiness and my phone starts to ring (no, it wasn't Joaquin Phoenix) but it was the sheriff letting me know that I am getting my money from that BITCH! And then, and then the sun came out (it was raining) NO JOKE! Maybe The Man with the white beard sitting on a cloud IS listening (hope He heard the prayers about getting rid of the cellulite and there being Peace on Earth and all that good stuff).