Dear Pinkydj,

Why haven't you written on me in a while? I miss you. I know that all of your fans miss you as well, even though they never say it. Have you had a hard time lately? Is it because of the tax thing? I mean, I know that that awesome old fart boss of yours paid it! He's such a stud! And you had the guts to talk to him yourself! And you didn't even cry when you told him! I am so proud of you! And you know that your friends The Brain, The Baby, The Mom (she is your friend no matter what you think!), Nameless and Bucker (aka BM) really cared. They were so worried about you and I think that you are one lucky bitch to have such caring bitches in your life.

So what else kept you away? Was it that F A L L on Monday night? The one you so gracefully did in front of a couple parked underneath the bridge? (and may I say ew?) The one where you went F L Y I N G on your rollerblades? Because you didn't see that E V I L metal pole on the ground? Are you too cool to be careful & watchful? Is that it? Or do you enjoy those nasty scars on your knees that make you look like a 10 year old boy or a ho? Really, I mean doesn't the sciatica hurt enough or do you need another thing to make you limp and complain about?

Are you upset because people keep pointing out that you're getting "fat"? Are you worried about it? You should be, especially with that late night binge you had last night. I saw what you ate- oh, you think I don't see, well listen ass, I do, and I saw that piece of cheese and the baby carrots you were nibbling like a little mousy (did you think that would make your decision to eat at 11:45 better because it was a veggie?) How about the Red Hot Blues tortilla chips (that you kept stuffing into your mouth like it was a tortilla chip eating contest) Or maybe the yogurt covered almonds- oh yeah, you couldn't get enough of those, could you? No, you were like "oh, 2 are ok" (at midnight??? I don't think so) and then 2 more seemed to make their way in. Let's not forget the next 10 you decided would curb your sweet tooth. YOU ASSHOLE. Let's just be thankful that you didn't have those damn cashews you're always bitching about. Good Lord, imagine the damage you could have done with those things in the house.

Listen, I'm not upset with you, but you have to try to STOP EATING so much. I mean who could possibly be that hungry? You're not even ovulating, nor PMSing- so what's your point? Is it because they taste so good? Well, drugs make you feel good- are you going to go out and do them? What??? What did you just say? Don't make me hurt you.

So, let's just remember that you started this blog for a reason. So let's stop the theatricks and get back to writing. And don't give me that shit about writer's block- you're not getting paid to do this- so just write. Brat.

Love always, always, and always.
Blog.