A few words of advice...

Now that I have become my own therapist- I pay myself with clothing and food- I think that I could possibly try to extend a few helpful words of advice to my girls, should they ever need it.

1. Don't post blogs that include a male "friend" and let them read it, then allow them to send it to their friend to read who then post crazy comments.
2. Don't trust men. They lie. They ask you if they can send your blog to a friend to check out AFTER they have already sent it. Catch them on their lies, they love that.
3. Don't ever take up smoking. It's just a stinky habit that is tough as shit to break. Also, if you hadn't done it by 16 and begin after that then you can count yourself a loser- my sister started at 26- what does that say to you?
4. Make sure to wash your face every morning and night before going to bed. Waking up next to a "friend" with raccoon eyes every Sunday morning for the past 2 weeks is so cliche!
5. Go ahead and snore in front of "friends". Breathe right strips are not hot. Wake them up with a lil' lovin'. That should keep their minds off of the snoring.
6. Please remember to keep your flower-bush is such an ugly word- nice, clean! and trim. Any style is fine. And don't be afraid to ask your mate to do the same. Nobody likes ANYTHING stuck in their teeth.
7. Don't think that you can go without makeup- a little bit of lipgloss or something-none of you are close to perfection, so don't even bullshit yourselves.
8. Do pretend that you don't go to the bathroom. It keeps things sexy.
9. Keep your legs smooth. Even if it means you have to shave every eight hours. No joke.
10. Don't be vain and boastful. Don't walk around letting people know that you fit into a size 0 petite. It's just crass.
11. Don't make contact with the human race (ever!) when you have PMS. This could lead to potential life-long solitude.
12. Don't push bitches on the train, street, wherever. It is not good Christian behavior. Unless they give you a dirty look, then by all means go for it, and make sure they're by a staircase.
13. Call your mother. Even it is to yell at her for 27 minutes (make sure to tell her you love her). It shows you care.
14. Don't read this if you need to stay awake or are looking for entertainment (but I do think that the anonymous renegade commentor (tator?) is hilarious). Read this instead.
15. Don't be mean to friends. It hurts their feelings and makes you look like a bully.

Ok, the last one was just to have a nice rounded number. But, please feel free to follow the rest. Look how far it's gotten me.

Oh, fuck off.