S C A R Y...

I've cheated death twice in the last month. Both times rollerblading. I was hit by a car last month and was this "___" close to being hit by another two days ago. Yes, I was left shaken and people around freaked more than I had- The Brain thinks that I love that kind of attention & people caring and all... Um... Not from strangers. So, I flat out asked her if she thought that I had done it on purpose. And she said that she no longer blames the drivers. Typical Brain. Always my fault. But these incidences don't scare me. The fact that I am getting one of my wisdom teeth extracted today DOES...

I have to get it done and I am shitting my pants about it. I hate when sharp things are put into my mouth- other things don't bother me so much (I meant food and toothbrushes, people) But needles... No. Then they will have to cut the gum and I will just have to close my eyes and dream of things that do make me happy, like a tighter, smoother ass. B L I S S.

So, after the tooth is removed will that make me any less wiser? Was I ever wise in the first place? I wish that I could say that I was but right now? I just don't know...

I like this one much better...

And she is too cute...

Before things fell apart...

Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

It's been forever and a day (high school) since my last confession and I need absolvement for my sins. I have been a selfish, selfish friend. I have only focused on my problems and have not LISTENED to my friends. What I have been going through is important to me, but so are the people that I love.

The Brain is going through something very stressful, her eye has been twitching from it, it's that scary. I ask for her help, but I have not sympathized with her. I have not listened to her and for that I am so very sorry. She is my sister, my heart, and I am not there for her. I try. Yet, things come up in my life, and that is all I focus on. I know she is fed up, but she is still there for me. I, on the other hand, would tear her a new one for not talking about me. She is there for me, and now it is time that I am there for her. If she'll have me...

BM needs someone to talk to, and all I do is talk about myself. Nameless is working hard for her future and all I do is talk about myself. I have not wished one of my best friends- LS- nor her son, happy birthday. I don't even know if she has had her second child yet. OJ thinks I hate her and all i do is think about myself. LK is so strong and would love to see me and all I do is put off plans with her. My family was in town and I have been moping at home instead of hanging with them. I don't need to apologize to The Baby as she is getting an awesome belated birthday gift.

I have hurt someone that I do not like, but know that I must right that wrong. I will apologize.

I need to forget my broken heart and open my heart and mind to the future. I need to forgive myself. I have not respected myself. I haven't shown any pride. I must make something of myself and be a better Christian, and remember those whom I love and who love me. No more Miss Shitty Friend. Please forgive me.

Phew, now I stop being so sad and depressing and make y'all laugh again. Hopefully soon.

Not again...

I want to say that I can believe that he did it again. But I can't. I don't understand this. I don't understand the fact that I call and text and call and text and wonder what I did, what I could have said that would make him ignore me like two weeks ago. Could I have left a pissy message on his voicemail last night? Did I threaten to kiss someone else? I hate when nights out with friends become a blur and I have to piece my life back together through spurts of memories. I didn't kiss anyone else. Didn't want to. Wanted to see him, but I was out. I went out for a friend's birthday and had a good time until I started to worry about him.

Why? Why do I worry about someone who doesn't even respect me enough to let me know that I fucked up, that he fucked up, that we're over. So now I have to decide if I can take anymore of this, if I even have the choice... I hate this silence.

HECTIC...

Whenever old man winter's (bossy boss boss) GF comes into town I get to WORK. I do actually work, but sometimes it's just writing on messenger to The Brain and The baby, and believe me it is hard work trying to defend myself against those two. They gang up on me and it's no holds barred with them. They threaten to smear my face in grease and throw french fries and cashews at me. They also threaten to bounce those cashews off a tennis racket first, just to get my blood boiling. Sigh... They're so mean to me that sometimes it hurts my feelings and I have to lash out and call them evil bitches and threaten to punch them in their stupid ass faces.

I did want to write more, but now I have to fiddle around with me boss' GF's blackberry, which just reminds me that I cannot afford such things. I know, I know they don't cost an arm and a leg, but when you have a health food addiction and debt the size of Rhode Island, which is the state I am heading to tomorrow with The Brain. OMG! I'm going to see The Brain and hear her sexy ass wake-up voice Saturday and Sunday morning.

And if y'all were wondering about "friend"? Well, he's sending me straight to therapy... Session later on... And a quick shout out to Dan, cause he's the man and I hope he followed through on my request...