To RA...

I wrote to you. I called you. You didn't pick up. I wanted to go and you didn't respond. I love you. Call me!

Why is the male race so clueless?

I don't have many male friends-could you tell by the list? (ugh girls) Anyway- I think the reason why is that I end up kissing them. Yup. There are a couple that have not been blessed by these lips- one of them the reason being is that he's married (not going into that just yet)- yes, I have morals! Were you wondering???

Anyway, my instructors & I flirt (yeah, like it's a surprise that I flirt) and there are a couple who actually tell me they want to sleep with me. Now, I do not encourage it- I don't say "oooh, yeah baby, when?- but I do not discourage it because I get free classes that way- I used to be special- Now EVERYONE gets free classes- So, I should start using that word "no" and "shut the fuck up", but I don't think they'd stop. And of course it's a big ego boost- but... there is that horrible wham, bam, thank you ma'am feeling that I don't appreciate.

Yeah, so, back to the title (scroll up- I'm too lazy to type it again)- yeah, why? I mean I take the instructors' "teasing" 3 weeks out of the month, but it's hard when your emotions are everywhere and you can't control them and you TELL them to take it easy on you because you are not having a good day- That's what happened last night. I told D (you know the genius that asked me if I got a boob job- and and was back in class a couple of days later) that I wasn't into his "teasing"- criticism is more like it- and to take it easy on me- nope, didn't work. So, I told him not to speak to me again for the rest of the class. He fed the ball further away from me. He fed it faster so I had to run twice as quickly to reach it. He criticized my swing- pretty much everything I didn't want to deal with that night. And I warned him! So, I'm at the net and a shot comes at me and I swing at it (I know not to but I do it anyway) and he screams "when are you going to learn NOT to swing at the net???" and I SCREAM "SHUT UP, I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK TO ME AN HOUR AGO!!!" and that was that- the rest of the class was shot- everything was subdued- I played like shit- and D was quiet.

I left right away and found him in the front office- approached him and was told to "not speak to him off the court any longer- fine if we are on the court- not okay anywhere else" I didn't know what to say ( I, yes, I was speechless) and I was upset. I had a knot in my stomach for the rest of the night and this whole day.

I wanted to call and apologize (eat humble pie- is that what Americans say?) but no such luck without a number. And I just KNEW that C (other perv instructor) would confront me about it- I get a freaking lecture and threats that I can be banned (I AM SO COOL) from this guy (with a Napoleon complex) once a month about my behavior (you are loud and rude and blah blah blah- I tune him out because I don't speak retard) and it's not true- EVERYONE (pushing it a bit with that word) loves me- the girls (surprise, surprise), the guys, the instructors- they do. I make fun and make them laugh. It's a good time had by all. So, I didn't want him to meddle but I knew that D would tell his BFF C and so I did what any self respecting girl would do. I cried. Yup. Figured that would be the easiest way to get him the hell away from me. He looked at me liked I had just picked my nose and ate it. THE HORROR! OMG! What to do? A girl is crying in the presence of a guy! It worked. He asked me if I was ok. And I told him that I didn't want to discuss it. GENIUS.

He did eventually broach the subject and asked if the joking got out of hand last night. I said yes and that I would talk to D and take care of it. Then C starts in on my game- and I cried again. He shut up for the rest of the class. Works like a charm. Try it, you'll like it. Just don't overuse it because it gets old and then they just think you're crazy (yeah, they figured me out years ago).

My Mornings...

Don't make any sense. It takes me forever to get out of the house. I wake up at 7:45 and usually leave by 9:30- what the hell am I doing? My hair and makeup take about 10 minutes total- and then the rest is fartin' around trying to wake up.

I was a terrible Christian this morning- I feel allergies coming on and am already getting sinus headaches-fun. So, I did have some sort of excuse- oh yeah, and I wore too much eyeliner- so I look like a hooker today. I hate that.

Sooooo, I get on the crowded bus and was being stared at by this woman in a veil and she was holding a baby- so cute, but I was grumpy- so, I rolled my eyes at her (for staring). Unfortunately, she did something nice and I felt like an ass. She took one of my bags (I am a bag lady) and put it under her seat so that I may be comfortable standing. Damn her. I thanked her, then proceeded to frown and close my eyes pretending to be in pain so that the whole rolling the eyes thing had to do with the pain I was enduring and not the fact that I am a bitch. But she just kept watching me (maybe she thought I was a hooker with all of that eye makeup) and when I was finally able to retrieve my bag- I ended up standing right next to her- do you know how hard it is to have someone watch you for 10 minutes and pretend that you are enjoying the scenery in Queens? I do not know why people insist on watching me- God, do I always sound this narcissistic?

So after enduring the GREAT STARE- I get into work (10:45) and am told by the housekeeper that the old man needs me to call him- SHIT! but it's cool cuz she gave me an excuse on why I was in so late (love her at this point) So I call Mr. grumpy pants (he was so great yesterday- he misses his gf- don't take it out on me, man!) and he's all "getting a late start this morning, huh?" and I'm all "oh no, I had to pick up a broom and dustpan for the housekeeper as per J's (gf) request" (as per???) and he's ok with that (he loves her, so if I had said she wanted me to have an ice cream cone then smear some of it on the kitchen counter- he would have said "oh, ok") and then he proceeds to tear me a new one about the cordless phones (were working last week-not this week) and his shower is leaking and have I done anything about that??? Well, no because I am tired. Sorry. No, I didn't say that- I said "of course, right away!" and then I hung up. Checked my e-mail. Ate something (HUNGER!!!). Checked this - laughed a bit- then started with the calls- RIGHT AWAY.

This sucks.

I have a rash on my chest. I have bruises and scars all over my knees- you would think that I spend my day on my knees doing God knows what... My arms look fat. I have cellulite on my ass- no matter how many miles I blade. I have empty stomach syndrome- I am hungry- Am I empty inside? Not nutritionally. I like wine. Wine makes you fat. I reward myself with a glass of wine because I flossed- like a 5 year-old being rewarded with candy for brushing their teeth- NOT A GOOD THING. I have to THINK to write this blog. That is the suckiest thing ever- because I make it a point never to think about anything but how soft my hair is and what my next meal will be. Damn all of you. Making me work for friendship- y'all are sick.

GRIPING ABOUT:

• Impolite people- do I look like a doorman to you? Say thank you, for goodness sake
• People that attack me verbally when I am rollerblading- and I always fight back!
• smoking
• My roomate's inconsideration
• being a bloatation device (not a typo)
• never-ending stomach syndrome (aka HUNGER)
• MY SCIATICA! oy...
• My laziness in shaving...itchy!
• non-commentors
• Cashews- why must you be so good! Leave me alone! DIE already.

HAPPY ABOUT:

• The rest of my health?
• My job (s)
• Not having to shave
• commentors
• The brain
• The baby
• The GOOD friends
• Kozy Shack sugar-free rice pudding
• Kozy Shack sugar-free chocolate pudding
• Cashews (sigh)
• Joaquin Phoenix (as good as pudding & cashews)
• Walk the line soundtrack
• My fam
• Poopoo tea
• THIS Read it everyday and see how it feels living in NY- oh yeah, and it is my goal to get on it!!! (I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN)
• and THIS she's my blog idol- I'm kinda biting off of her right now-sorry brain

THE BRAIN IS SO FIRED...
I wanted her to check my post (pre-post) so that I can get an ok on funnality (funnyness?) (sp?) AND SHE TOTALLY MISSED THE FACT THAT I USED MY ACTUAL NAME! I was in the shower and was chuckling at how very sad/clever/funny I am and BAM! I am saddened by the fact that it took a good 6 hours for me to realize this. I don't want anyone to know the real name- yeah, doesn't help that The Brain writes her real name on her blog and how many people have best friends with the name Nounou? But, what if I one day get a brain fart and all of a sudden get political on your asses and the moron running this shithole (country) is peeking at this (yeah right, he can't even read) ooooh, maybe his cronies then, and I DISAPEAR? So, I went ahead and edited the post and we are good to go- and to whoever has seen the original- I will have to kill you because of the gas in the ass factor.

So, speaking of The Brain, I wanted y'all to know that she was able to figure out each person by initial- you know? my list? Well, I am truly heartened by the fact that she pays attention and cares about the other people in my life. Some of you may not know her- I just have to ask you to not base your opinion of her after reading her blog- I must insist that she IS funny and NOT boring. It's hard (for others) to be funny and entertaining- you know?

So, I have known monkey, er, her for 20 years now and it was definitely NOT love at first sight. Her fam (mine since then as well) moved into my daddy's office in my apt. building and she was going to attend my school. So, on the first day of school, I went down with the devil (my sister) to wait for the bus, and The Brain was there with the bro. I thought, "hey, why not be nice and offer the girl some gum- she's got terrible hair- so, the gum should brighten up her day!". So, I saunter over and say "hi" (I am so smooth) and she says something (I wasn't listening of course) and I asked her if she wanted any gum- her answer? "no, I already have some".

Now you are probably asking yourselves "hey D, why even talk or even look at the girl again?" Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I was so insulted and hurt (damn right!) I didn't know what to do! No one had ever uttered those words to me! So it's safe to say that I hated the bitch.
But, we had a couple of retarded friends (hers really was- not talking about me, we're still not friends at this point FYI) and so my friend (she was foreign, so you could say she was retarded, right?) and I would make fun of The Brain and the ummm, friend. And she would attack in return, but it didn't help that she had a french accent, who would be scared of that?

But, as it turned out, our meddling mamas (hi!) hooked us up so that I may learn some french (I was in a french school- for about 4 years at that point- you think I would have picked it up by then) and I would help her with her english (who was screwed? her, I tell you) It's not like she had to learn anyway- no one speaks english in this city. So, it's been a love/hate relationship since then (me love, her hate) and we ended up making fun of the retard (read above) together. Just like it should be.

My life as I know it...
Is just plain weird. I was getting ready for bed last night and just had this image of kids in a classroom and the teacher says:

"Ok, kids, we are going to have an oral pop quiz on humans (an approach to sociology, if you will) and I am going to ask you to please raise your hand and answer questions with either the answer D or normal people, ok?"

-hushed ok's...

"Ok, who wears gloves to bed?"

-silence
-then a small hand goes up

"Ummm, D?"

-snickering

"Yes! Good job! who else would wear gloves to bed?- she once wore a sock on one hand when she couldn't find the other glove"

-laughter

"Ok, who uses neosporin on their cuts?"

-ten hands shoot up

"yes, Ryan (there is a Ryan in the class)"

"Normal people (he says with confidence)"

"Good, good... D wears neosporin all over her face (teacher shaking her head)"

"Next, who wants to cry everytime they step into their bathroom?"

"That's easy! D!"

"Yes, I guess that was easy, kids. D wants to cry pretty much all the time but Especially when she goes into her bathroom and sees what kind of disgustingness her roomate (female) has left in there for her, be it hair everywhere or toothpaste and phlegm in the sink"

"Ok, who has enough gas in their ass to be able to propel a car forward without using the accelerator?"

"DADDY!" coming from all the kids (one screams "mom")

"ok, ok TRUE. But normal people don't have as much gas as D does EVERYDAY"

"Who poops so much they have to wear diapers?"

"Babies!" (the kids are really into this)

"Yes, which is normal... But, D wishes she had diapers sometimes."

"Who has to put some kind of lubricant in their noses before sleeping so that they don't wake up with their nostrils stuck together?"

"D!!!!!!" (uproariously)

"Good Job, everybody!"

"Ms. Smith? (normal name)"

"Yes, Lucy?"

" I feel sorry for D."

Awwwww...?

"No, children, please don't feel sorry for D. D is content most of the time. She is ok, she is somewhat healthy (which way- we don't know) and she's got great support from her family and friends. So being like D isn't so bad. Unless you count the green skin between her pinky and ring toe (is their a ring toe?)"

People are commenting...
But who? Is it the same person? This mystery person, or others who are checking this blog? I am pleased. It motivates me to write more and then you get more and let's be honest- that just makes you HAPPY.

So there's this guy at tennis and I think he's crushing on me- he's really nice, funny, successful, and a phenominal player. You're waiting for the but (right?) But, I don't feel the butterflies with him and I honestly still think about SH (DO NOT COMMENT ON THAT PLEASE?) This guy VJ texts me, writes to me and I see him checking me out on the courts. And he wrote the sweetest line I have received in a long time:

Is there even one guy at the Tennis Center who DOESN'T secretly wear a heart shaped locket with your picture inside?

Who swooned? I have to admit that I did a little... Then I thought of SH and I wished it came from him. What is wrong with me??? Why can't I feel good about this? Why can't I see that there is a man who is trying to get to know me, not like every other guy I have dated who just wanted my rock hard body (is there no end to my narcissism?) Joking.

But seriously, I watched "Walk the Line" the other day and it doesn't help that SH looks like Joaquin Phoenix (for those of you to click on and check him out if you don't know who he is & since you live under a rock) with a blonde shaved head (YUM) and blue eyes. Ok, Ok! He and I will never be together again. I get it. THEN WHY CAN'T I STOP!!! I wish I could have the "Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (or whatever the hell it's called) done to me with men. Erase each one- start fresh- clean slate- no memories whatsoever- However, I do have that experience with the rest of my life... Can't remember much, lucky if I remember my address.

So, I have this dilemna (when don't I have one?) and I know I shouldn't hook up with anyone at tennis (can you say awkward) but who knows what will happen? I'll let you know.

I wrote...
So where is the praise?

LOVES IT!
Ok, I finally received a comment from someone other than THE BRAIN and RA, so I am EXCITED!!!!!!! I have to admit that I have no idea who wrote it, not only because they posted it as anonymous (why is everyone asking for anonimity- are all of you in the witness protection program????) but because all of my friends are sarcastic like that- COMMENT:
Anonymous said...
try updating sometime this year. love you.
I have the BEST FRIENDS! and I truly am disappointed with the rest of you who do not comment- no matter if you speak with me- tell me that you love them or hate them (my entries) tell me anything!!!!! tell me you wet your pants this morning and thought of me- It would endear you to me. So much more than before!

Yes, I admit that I do not write that often and I should. I know I should. I am so entertaining, I don't need anything but me! Scratch that. I need you guys, that's why y'all are still around. LOVE THE LOVE YOU part in the comment. Thank you. Comprende? (being Bi-lingual is sexy)

I have sciatica. SEXY SEXY SCIATICA. I have pains shooting up and down my poor overused legs. I hurt every night after tennis. It doesn't kill me, but it's uncomfortable. I know I need to take it easy- or easier than I do- but I'm scared. I am scared that if I stop, I gain. And I work so hard at not gaining that it is the only thing that I can truly focus on. And, I do not eat at night anymore. It's so, so hard not to, especially when I play at night, blade at night, lift at night. But, I figure that the weight will come off much easier if I do not stuff my face as much as I feel free to AT NIGHT. Don't judge me. I am trying my damndest here.

So, I kissed a girl on Friday night (Patty's Day does something to me). Yeah, and I kissed her ex-boyfriend as well. I like to keep things personal, you know? Ok, not the first time, but not common. Why not? Girls kiss better than guys anyway- doesn't mean I am going to become a switchhitter or anything- I still like men (stupid, stupid men) and I am sure that LS will be so relieved to hear that, bless her Bible-thumping heart.
I love you guys- especially the ones that read this BORING BORING blog. More to come, bitches...

I have a new obsession...
and that is why I have not written for a few days... It is POKER. I am pretty good at it- I do not know the terminology but who cares? Right? My roomate (CS) is a gambling junkie and I sorta picked up the game just watching him. I am a degenerate. That is all there is to it. Once I get an obsession, I pretty much focus on that like it's my job or something. Yeah, did I mention that I play for HOURS at work as well? I should be filing but anyone that knows me knows that I think that filing is the devil's work. Filing should be banned, not abortions (sorry LS) ooooh, I just got political for a second. Yes, I have an opinion! It's not all tennis and poker in this head of mine!
Anywho, The Brain pointed out that I cannot receive anonymous comments from anyone and that you have to sign in or some sort of shit like that. So, I have fixed that, and now my "friends" (yeah, that better be why I get no comments or anything from y'all) may comment on how much I make them laugh. Even Nameless can comment! Perfect.
So, I just wanted to mention that I miss SH- SH is hot. I want him. Don't know why because he doesn't fit in my life. He just doesn't. He is 25 (me 29) and he is perfect on paper but not so great to be with because he would rather be with his boys than me (but he is pulling bitches- he told me-whores!) I hate that. I hate that I liked someone that is a player. That pisses me off. We went out for 3 months and when I mean went out, I mean pretty much spent that time in bed once a week. We would go for drinks and fool around. We didn't have much in common except that we were attracted to each other. And after a while he just pulled the boy shit... Not calling thinking that if they hide then we get the point. Well, I think that that's a pussy way out and confronted him. He said that I was a little crazy sometimes (little does he know) and that he felt that I wanted a commitment- what??? to see him more than once a week? and maybe him calling me more than every other day- I was so not pushing things with this guy- I mean it. He was the first guy I have liked ( I mean really liked in 3 years) and I wanted to make it work. But alas... He wanted a girl who would have sex with him and not expect much else. And I felt worthless...
I should have been enough, no? I mean I'm fun, cute, funny (as all get out), I floss every night, shower every day, and I try to act like I got my shit together (act being the key word) but he don't know that. I am thinking of him constantly and it is driving me CRAZY. I ended things with him months ago and he is all I can think about (other than when I can score another poker game or play some tennis or what I am going to eat in a couple of hours because I AM ALWAYS EATING) but I digress. But St. Patty's day is coming up and he is, of course, Irish. AND A FIREFIGHTER. So, of course that means that he may be at the parade right by my job and I could probably spit on his head from my boss' balcony... Sounds tempting. I HATE MEN. And myself for that. I know he is seeing other girls. It breaks my heart that I wasn't THE girl for him.

PART II....
My girls...

DA...
I met this girl and... hated her. Yeah, i thought she'd take the brain from me- I was insecure ok? and I hope that I have redeemed myself for my childish behavior- DA makes me laugh like no one else. There is something loose in there and I think that that is why she is so talented and truly gifted- even though she doesn't see it sometimes... But her friends do and that is why you have friends...

LJ...
Ooooh... High school chum and on... Oh man she is a mommy now, yet she looks like she's babysitting the kid (the kid's hot) she is one of the nicest, strongest, smartest people I have had the pleasure of knowing. She is not near me now, yet, thanks to technology, I am able to speak with her anytime I like and see the kid(s) whenever I want- no babysitting required...phew. (JK?)

JI...
What can you say about a talented, quirky, strong, loud (as me sometimes!) smart, funny, opinionated woman? That I respect her and miss her even though she lives a train ride away. She is busy, I am busy, we shall meet again...

RE...
I hated her (ok pattern forming) because she was white and pretty (I'm retarded ok?) My trooper... I fly with her. I cheated for her. I would do anything for her because she is good, kind, strong. She is the GUY in her relationships. Oh how I admire that. She makes promises like a guy. Gonna yell at her next time I talk to her.

BM...
Funny initials... hated her when i first met her and that had nothing to do with the brain! She sat on her perch at the pool club in Maine and thought she was the shit. Well, I have had the chance to bring her down a notch or two (yeah, short people have to do that to some) she is there for me when I need her. Naughty times are had when we are together. I miss her, she's busy, I'm busy... We're still cool Bucky.

SP...
My mentor. She took me on, taight me everything I know (not the weird stuff, the work stuff) and I am so thankful for her. She inspires me. I can ask her anything. She is on my side. She listens without prejudice. She gives me great advice and I appreciate her and her ability to set me straight. She believes in me. I love her.

LS...
Formerly known as LD. Oh, my long lost cousin... Is as normal as it gets (except for the Bible thumping and all) She is too good. I have to MAKE her say bad things so that I may feel better in my life, for goodness sake. Her life is a Norman Rockwell painting... AND I still love her! I am truly lucky to have had this wonderful person brought back into my life.

LK...
First day of lectures... I was so nervous, excited, ready to go. I sat down next to her and thought that we would say "hey" in the future (I didn't think that she wanted to talk to me after that day- do I have a complex or what?) But I saw her the next weekend of lectures and we're still friends! She's a great mom, friend, and person to talk shit about other people with. She listened to me bitch about school, tolerated my nagging all the time! Who wouldn't love that?

RA...
My long lost hitting partner. Stamina like you wouldn't believe. Smart, funny. She didn't like me when she met me (I was too loud or something) but I won her over with my charms and I tell you it's love. Both ways- purely platonic. sickos.

NT...
Undercover... wildchild, dirty bird, thorndog. She brought my game up and she doesn't know how thankful I am for that. I try not to yell around her as she doesn't like it and is as skittish as a kitten when there is anger in the air. That's ok- I still like her.

NAMELESS...
I'm not even allowed to use her initials... She's in the witness protection program so... NO! She's just a freak and I don't know who she thinks is going to read this but I'll humor her, so she's NAMELESS. OJ knows her, and tolerates her as I do... NAH, I love this chick- she doesn't sleep much and wakes up around 5 AM (never said that my friends were normal) and loves to play tennis. She is so nice AND she laughs at all my jokes! She's my favorite friend.

OJ...
I like to call her Oprah as she signs her e-mails as O. She is blunt to the point of rudeness which I, of course, truly appreciate- except that it is usually directed at me! She asks random, personal questions- HEY! that's my shtick! Good to know that someone is as disrespectful as I am. She's hilarious- it's no holds barred with her and you know where you stand with her... SO no bullshit. I LOVE THAT!

So there you go...
I don't think I left anyone out (Whoops if I have) These people are there for me. Maybe not all the time, but I know that I can count on them if I do need them.

P.S:
Did I mention that I have a stalker as well? Yeah, I'm that cool...

So Okay,
I changed the name of my name of my blog because I don't go to town. Not really, I go in, work, buy my groceries, then head home to get ready for tennis. This is my actual life. I am hoping that it is this way for the winter season and that things will pick up (my libido, for one) during Spring (COME ON SPRING) and Summer. But I like my life (not my debt) and I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

So in my head is a list of my Girls. And before I get into this, I would like to explain that I never intended in having all of these girl-friends. I don't like females. They are ruthless, cunning, territorial, extremely competitive (in Everything)... what else am I leaving out describing my mother. JK!

But I always thought these things about the female race, yet the majority of my friends are female. And they are great. They are odd, funny, supportive women without whom I would not be able to function .

My Mom...
is beautiful. Is my biggest fan. Is my heart and soul. Is in my thoughts all the time (ok maybe not all the time... that would be weird since they are in the gutter 50% (99%) of the time) I love her. She loves me. I want to make her proud and take care of her, like she took care of me. She is stupid sometimes. But that's ok because so am I.

THE BRAIN...
is evil, opinionated, blunt, beautiful, boy crazy, moody, foreign. She is my best friend ( has been for 20 years now) and everyone should have one just like her. Because she tells the truth. Because she is driven. Because she will fly across the country to scare the shit out of you and talk to you for hours even though you have nothing to say and will listen to you bitch and moan and cry and repeat her advice to no end to try to knock some sense into you because she loves you (won't say that outright- no swollen heads around here) and she wants you to be happy. She hates when people make you cry (even though she thinks you cry WAY TOO MUCH) she listens to you repeat the same things over and over (she is slightly tolerant of your early onset of Alzheimers) THE BRAIN is my best friend and she is smart, not as funny, but that's ok, I forgive her.

THE BABY...
is my cousin. Is so beautiful, that you can't walk down the street with her without feeling like the "ugly friend". She is out of her mind. She is a Taurus, which means that she is ready to marry the person she is seeing within 3 weeks of the relationship. However, she is ready to see other people within a couple of months. She is quirky, cute, funny, very intelligent, has a buddha belly (since childhood- too cute), has roomates (her parents) who acknowledge her presence sometimes, when they should be patting themselves on the back for creating such a great person- she is one of the most mature 20 (21) year old I have ever met. She is my pride and joy- I hated her for 9 years (since she was born) and then I loved her and it's been an ongoing love for 11 years and counting. BTW, she thinks I want to date her.

Stay tuned for Part II on my girl-friends...

OK...
So I gave my friends days to read this and I was going to write a little something about each- making sure that each one's name would be initialed (except a certain tall one that I play tennis with on Saturdays who shall remain NAMELESS) that is what I will call her from now on... So it's easy FRIENDS (so called) you can post a comment (anonymously) or WRITE TO ME- anything to know that you have read the joy that I am producing for you - Whoever wrote already- you are excused- but keep on reading- I'm funny! I do love you all and I hope that you share my crazy story with others and that more people will read this and I can kick THE BRAIN's ass in VIEWS. GOOD DAY to you all.

It's Lent time....
and I have to give things up for 40 days and I know I need to (stop smoking) but... I think that I am screwed cause I have killed already. Please, let me explain... I had a mouse in my house. Please don't hate me. I couldn't cohabitate with it because my roomates are dirty enough as it is. The mouse didn't pay rent and ate my food (reminds me of my ex) it went into my cabinets and would chew through anything to get to my fresh nuts, tortilla chips, EVEN dry pasta!(brown rice pasta, mind you) and i was livid- I keep a clean house and this little bastard thought that he could come in and take over? OH, hell no...(a la Whitney Houston) I mean come on! It had it own separate room it was hanging out in and we were so scared of it that we would shut the door to that room and knock when we wanted to go in! The hairs on the back of my neck stood up everytime I went in there! He was bad bad bad and he had to go go go.

So I tell my stupid ass landlord- HATE doesn't even come close to how I feel about this man- and so he has one of his lazy assistants leave traps (forgive me- cause even if we used the traps that don't harm him and try to let him go a few blocks away BUT then he would find a way to return like the dog torturing Elaine in Seinfeld) so set them up with tons of peanut butter on them (apparently they like that (like dogs) and of course they are cheap traps (did i mention the word hate?) and the little bastard ate the peanut butter BUT DIDN'T GET CAUGHT!!!!!

And So, of course I had to bring out the big guns and get the BETTER traps and take care of the situation myself (as usual) and so i get THIS (click on the purple word, geniuses) and it doesn't work. Ok, just kidding but i do get one that DOES WORK! SUCCESS...eeeeeeewwww. I mean the traps are loud (they're not the metal ones) but you can hear them from the other room and I had just settled in to read before sleeping and SNAP! I start to shake and of course the first thing I do is call THE BRAIN (more on her later) and she is having the greatest time listening to me freaking out! I am ready to wet my pants as we go to check out the damage. Have y'all ever have your blood run cold? I have. Last night. Seeing that little bastard was so gross and creepy. And of course I didn't want to have to deal with him alone and so the MALE roomate-initials CS- was awakened and called for duty- not much help of course but I needed someone! And so the brain listened as I frantically whispered to him that it was Mission Accomplished! and he admitted hearing the trap go off AND I STILL had to talk him into getting up. And I really wish that i had a good enough memory to repeat what went down but you know what? That is why I have the brain (ok click on this one) and you will hear all of the details (if she feels like sharing).

But I do remember the female roomate- initials SS- waking up and needing to pee (They both have bladders the size of shot glasses) and being upset with me for being loud (I wasn't) and for KILLING. Of course she won't do it because she's nice (she's the only one that thinks that) and she likes "mousy" (yeah she almost shit her pants when she heard him moving around the other day- saying "i don't want to play with him") Well, you don't have to worry about that now, do you SS? And once again I save the day and should have had the cameras there.

Wondering....
Why I am so bad at following up on things... I have to work so hard at that. I started this blog to be able to get all of the craziness out of my head, to keep my friends updated on what is going on in my life, to keep people entertained with the life that I lead, the weird things that happen to me. I am bad at calling people back. I am bad at following through with promises. I am a procrastinator. I take forever to do things. I have to work on this.

I know that I ramble on this blog, which is pretty much how I talk to people. We could be focusing on one topic and my mind will wander after a few minutes (if i'm lucky to last that long) It is not because I am not interested but there will be something said that will make my brain and thoughts segway into something that can be so completely different that people question where the hell it came from. So I am trying to work on some things that I can change about myself but it's hard to change the kind of person you are.

The hardest thing to change about myself is to quit smoking. I am so scared of the weight gain, the fight to not want to, to not buy a pack, and especially the moods. Anyone who knows me knows that I am crazy moody as it is, so my mood won't get any better with the quitting. I find an excuse everyday to keep me from quitting and I have to admit that none of those excuses are good enough. I hate the way I smell, I hate the way I need to have at least 3 for the morning. I hate that I spend my hard earned money (shut up- I do work hard for my paycheck- well most of the time) on those little cancer sticks. I NEED AN OUT WITHOUT THE PAIN.

There you go, I am already bored with this blog. I'll write more later when I can focus again.